LA Update: Week 1

I promised many of you that I would be posting a weekly (or maybe a bi-monthly) blog, to update you all about my life in Los Angeles. This will probably end up being every two weeks though, just cause.... well just because I feel like it. I'm certainly far from being a professional blogger, but oh well, here goes The Amateur Adventures of Luke Salewski in Los Angeles: Week 1!

Well the last two weeks of my life have been insane. My life has been completely and utterly turned upside down. It has been the most difficult time of my life, the most painful, the most scared, the most lost, the most overwhelmed time of my life. But it has led me to rely on God. It has given me the realism of how desperately I need God. I need him no more than I ever have, but the difference is that I realize my need for him. I was completely poor and financially in need for school and just money in general, and literally within days God provided all of the money that I needed. In a miraculous way. He has provided for me in so many ways, as you will begin to see in this blog.

Friday, January 7 -
I had a good (but incredibly short) winter break at home. I will miss my family and friends and cats and the beauty of Idaho and certainly snowboarding. I spent the whole day driving. Boise to Twin Falls to Jackpot and a straight shot through Nevada to Las Vegas. I would literally go through hours at a time in Nevada without seeing a single building. But it was such a beautiful drive. The ground was entirely covered in snow and the mountains on each side of the road were splendid. It was awesome - just being alone with God, seeing his beauty and creation. I had a great time of spiritual reflection and prayer, listening to some good worship music, compilations of Mattie Montgomery, a good sermon by Brandon Shank, and of course a good dose of metalcore to keep me awake. I got to Vegas and drove through into California. Let me just say that the stretch of highway between Las Vegas and Los Angeles was the most traffic I have ever seen on a highway outside of a city. It was CRAZY, and a good little introduction to the California drivers. I arrived at my parent's friends house in the desert in California.

Saturday, January 8 -
I woke up and spent some time talking with the people I stayed with. I told them about what I would be doing in LA, and I showed them my short film. They were really moved and excited to see God working through me. They were so incredibly encouraging to me and prayed over me before I left. I have no doubt that God designed for me to be there and be encouraged. I drove the remaining three hours into Los Angeles. As I was leaving the mountains I could see the smog - the world famous Los Angeles smog. Oh boy! I got to my apartments and got checked in with the school. My apartment is LEGIT. After reading dozens of crappy reviews online about the apartment complex, I was actually really impressed. (Ill post pics of my apartment eventually). One thing that really does suck though is the parking here... this apartment complex houses 11,000 people, so yeah, that kind of explains things, huh? Anyways, I met my roommates as they moved in. All three of them are so awesome, I know that God brought us all together for a reason. We had an orientation session that evening followed by a "Get to know each other" complimentary dinner, which was nice, because I really was not feeling like cooking.

Sunday, January 9 -
After a good breakfast, we had a worship service at our school followed by a bunch of LONG orientation sessions. Just a little bit about my school - It is called Los Angeles Film Studies Center (LAFSC) We have just under 50 students here, most of which are film or communication majors in their senior year, and most of which happen to be from the midwest and the east coast. It's on one floor of a big building about half a mile from our apartments (which with the help of my awesome long board takes me about 5 minutes!) The facilities are awesome though. There are two computer labs, one for whatever, and the other for editing (with fully upgraded Mac Pros). Then there is a student lounge area to hang out and watch movies which is next to the movie library with probably over a thousand movies, almost any movie (including tons of blu-rays) you can think of. So we can just check out however many we want and keep them as long as we want. Of course there are other facilities - classrooms, casting suite, foley studio, ADR room, and other great stuff which you can see on the website.

Monday, January 10 -
Classes began today. Our schedule is slightly different from regular classes. We usually have 1-2 different classes each day, each of which are about 3 hours long. But my professors are amazing! Even though I have completed the film program at Evangel, I am still learning SO much. A lot of what we focus on is the importance of "story." And realizing how essential it is to understand good story telling in order to effectively do any position in film, whether it be DP, editor, producer, director or whatever. All of my teachers are very well experienced and know what they are talking about from experience. They all have so much great insight and I am so excited to see all that I learn from them this semester. That evening we had two guest speakers come in - Jim(composer for Left Behind, McGee and Me and other shows) and Karen Covell, who founded the Hollywood Prayer Network (HPN). They were so encouraging in this seminar, to help us realize that we need to be missionaries to Hollywood, and to focus on Christ here. They talked a lot about how Hollywood is a mission field just as remote tribes of Africa are, and that we need to learn the culture and be a light for Christ and show love to the people in the entertainment industry. It was pretty cool and they gave us a copy of their book and DVD as well as the Left Behind soundtrack. I got to meet them and talk a little bit afterwords.

Friday, January 14 -
Did I skip a couple days? Oh.... my bad. On Friday we got to meet in our small groups where we discussed our expectations for learning and spiritual growth this semester. We got to go out for lunch and have some delicious pizza and it was a beautiful day. I might mention that the weather here has been sooo nice - its typically perfectly sunny with almost no clouds, a low of 65ish and a high of about 80. Im usually a winter guy and i love the snow and all, but I really can't complain too much about the weather here. After lunch we came back to the school and watched the hilarious short film musical that our group leader, Melanie produced with her husband (director) who is in graduate studies at USC. That afternoon we had a guest come visit, one of our teacher's good friends invited his friend John Michael Hinton who is a mentalist, which is basically like a magician that does mind tricks (but not jedi mind tricks) by reading facial micro-expressions, it's pretty extraordinary .
Our professor asked for some help to film the show, so I offered my assistance and I was invited to join my professor, John, and the others that helped, to a private members-only magicians club in Hollywood. It was awesome! We got to see a bunch of really good magicians do sweet magic tricks.



Saturday, January 15 -
We had a bunch of guys come over to my apartment and we made a huge breakfast. It was awesome! I made pancakes, we had bacon, a fruit salad, toast, and OJ. And they say men can't take care of themselves! We can... but usually only for one meal.

After brek, our school went on a field trip to tour the Kodak theater (where the Academy Awards are held annually). It was really beautiful inside and huge. After that we wandered around downtown Hollywood. Not to be a negative nancy, but I was slightly less than amused considering that it was my third time there in the past year. Anyways it was a fun nonetheless, hanging out with my friend Gordon and chatting with him. That night our school director had everyone over to her house for dinner. That was pretty awesome, a free and delicious home-cooked meal!

Sunday, January 16 -
Sunday morning I attended a church with my roommates called Ecclesia. The church is literally in downtown Hollywood, one block away from the Kodak theater and Grauman's Chinese theater. It's a beautiful thing to be able to have an altar to God in the midst of many altars to man. The church was awesome! I was really expecting some showy watered-down gospel church, and it was nothing of the like. The message was AWESOME. It was one of the best sermon's that I have ever heard about sexual purity. I highly recommend you click this link and listen to it (click on the one for 1/16/11). After church we went to eat at Sharky's, a delicious organic meat mexican food place. It was delish! I really don't remember what I did the rest of the day, but I'm sure it was cool.

Well that's week one! It's been a great time so far. Other things I've been doing include swimming in our awesome pool, longboarding around, having great conversations, eating at In-N-Out, and playing my ukulele and synth a ton. The people here are great, I'm really learning to love people with the love of the Lord. Even though I may not always be good at expressing it, I deeply care for everyone at this school and I feel so incredibly blessed to have them be a part of my life, and being able to see God through them. I hope that I can be a servant to them and an encouragement to them throughout the semester. It's so cool being able to hang out with nerds with a lot in common with me, we literally drive around LA with the Tron: Legacy Soundtrack pounding out of the car speakers. (By the way, regardless of how you felt about the film, the Tron Soundtrack is unbelievably awesome, I've been listening to it a ton). It's also been awesome knowing that people have been put in my life to inspire me, encourage me, and pray with me through the things I have been going through.

I feel as though I have been transformed. Through my circumstances I have had no one to turn to that can truly help me through everything other than the Lord. He is my strength. He has drawn me close to Him once again and allowed me to put my complacency in the past. His love is changing me each day. The things that used to matter so much to me no longer matter. I used to be obsessed with being the best, with getting the approval of others, with getting the best job out of college, with getting everything figured out. But now my one desire is to bring glory to God and to fall in love with him. I no longer worry about the things I did before because they are secondary to the primary goal of my life. Before I came out here, I wanted so badly to be the director of one of the films here. I applied for the director position here at school, and I never thought I'd say it, but I honestly don't care if I get it or not. I ONLY want to be where God wants me, and if he wants me to direct, then I will be the best director I can be for His glory, and if I don't get director I know that wasn't God's will and that's TOTALLY fine, because even if I'm the guy moving stuff around, setting up lights, unwinding cables, then I will do the best I can there for God's glory. I wish you all could see the change that God has done in my life. I rely on Him, and I am nothing apart from Him. Only HE will truly satisfy our hearts, as Jesus says, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” I love you all so much. To all my friends at Evangel- I miss you guys more than you can imagine, and I pray that you will fall in love with Jesus and put aside all worry and trust in him. He will guide you with his perfect peace. I can't wait to see you all again, I really do love you so much and I am so blessed to have you be a part of my life. I see Christ in each one of you, and I wish the very best for you. I'm sorry for those of you that I have not talked to because of hurting too much to talk about things, just know that I love you. Thank you so much for all of you that have called me, cried with me, encouraged me, prayed with me and loved me. You are the sons and daughters of God!

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee. Isaiah 26:3

Give Me Jesus

You feel distant
but I know all the distance is in my heart,
because even now, your hand awaits mine.
Close the gap
I need you now
I wait as though a ship arrives from sea,
but I know all too well,
the arrival will only come when I am ready.
The fire will only start when I strike the match
you are the flame waiting to ignite.
All that I seek in this life,
all that will ever satisfy will only come through you.
My purpose, rooted in my blood-
to love you.
Your name, written on my heart-
to serve you.
Arise my soul, and run after the living God.
May your hunger for Him never be satisfied
and drive you after Him.
May your mind be granted wisdom
to spread on the earth
May your heart be lit on fire
and be consumed by the Spirit of God
and may love envelop you and every breath you breathe
This does not call for talent,
this does not call for beauty,
this does not call for knowledge
It calls for your soul,
for a heart that does not give up.

You can have all this world, but give me Jesus.

New Years Resolutions

Okay so I'm not like a huge New Years resolution person, but I guess I'll give it a shot this year, it's always good to have some goals to work towards.

So here it is, resolutions for 2010:

1. Surrender more and more of myself to God and His will, and focus my life entirely on Him.

2. To have a heart for those who do not know Christ, and with the empowerment of the God, reach people and spread the Truth.

3. Be more humble, thinking of others as first and better than myself

4. Be generous with my time and resources to those who are in need.

5. Overcome fear, and find the courage to do all the things that God asks me to do

6. Spend more time playing and writing music.

7. Continue striving to be the best boyfriend that I can be.

8. Spend more time with the guys from my floor, and let them know how much I appreciate them and their friendship.

9. To not procrastinate on anything

10. To spend more time with my family (in Springfield, and my family in Boise)

11. To eat healthier and work out 3 times a week and hopefully gain some muscle and weight

12. To not forget my vision, my dream, my calling

13. To be willing to stand for God and for what he has called me to do even when it means being rejected by others.

14. be consumed by the Spirit of God.

I guess thats about it, although theres hundreds of more things that I could add, but those are the main things. and for those of you who made resolutions, I wish you the best in working towards them. dont give up if you arent doing as well at them as you wanted to be.

My complaints are few,

my persecutions, minor,

my arguments, unreasonable.

I don't have to look to tomorrow to be blessed.

Here and now, I am blessed.

What I have in this hour is all that I need,

and what is to come is your abundant grace.

My hand desires more,

but let my heart be satisfied in you and all you have provided.

I've been given more than I've asked for,

and received far more than I deserve.

The idols and desires will fall and fail,

but you remain constant.

May you forever be my foundation that holds me strong,

may you forever be the eternal water from which I will thirst no more,

may you be the shining love on me that I reflect to the world.

Lead me from distraction and temptation,

and let me not stray from the path you have placed me on.

Let me not forget, in the luxury of life, 

the calling and purpose which you have appointed me to.

You are the source of everything that is good in this world,

and my heart will never stop seeking you above all else.

My silence speaks louder than my words,
but here they speak in vain:
There is nowhere that I can be alone,
Yet everywhere that I go, I feel alone.
They can all hear my stammered words,
They can all see the expressions on my face.
and maybe the tears in my eyes.
but no one really hears my heart screaming
No one sees it beat blood through aching holes.
Ill pour some sand in my heart to soak up the blood.
Ill put a smile on my face so you won't know
what I don't think you will understand
because I believe that I am alone.
I've convinced myself that the God I claim to live for
can hear me, but will not respond.
Have I attempted to deify myself?

You pity yourself you selfish fool.
You hate this world and all you want is someone else to hate it with you.
You once knew love when your world was a crib,
and you want to go back to that world.
You don't want the world you are resistantly forced into
and feel as though you must embrace so much of it that you don't want to.
You are in a state of helpless, hopeless confusion.
You will not open your heart, you will not show it
because you are afraid that no one will understand.
You do not even believe God understands you,
You steal the joy of others and take none for yourself.
Yet you are selfish and stubborn.
You don't know your purpose anymore,
You don't see your calling.
You are bipolar, emotional, and dramatic.
You are lost and feel you have become a burden to those around you

I do not understand what I am meant to understand.
Why is it all so easy for every other person to grasp and so difficult for me?
If I'm meant to let go of something, why was I meant to grab it in the first place.

Where is a cure?
Where is understanding?
Where is community?
Where is agreement?
Where is faith?
Where is God?
Where is love?
Where am I?

Where I look is where I go
And these are the things I see in a mirror
A mirror which stands between me and God

abandon

this is who you are,
or rather, who you're not
the solidity of your beliefs
is now fragments, scattered, and skewed
deceived to the point of being turned inside out
truth and the conscious are tossed and twisted
around a fallacy which has raped you of wisdom


"You left behind hopes and dreams of a life left incomplete.
You walked away from everything you believed in,
When you wanted to change the world.

You left behind all remains.
You left behind all that remains. "

"Needles"- Haste the Day

too quick to leave

im too quick to forget
let me leave with the luggage
you can keep all the pictures
the dirt from my hands
but keep them around, like you keep yourself
im sure ill return
cause in the back of my mind, and on the other line,
ill always assume youll be there
and you will
and you will

cause so often i walk by
like a penny on the sidewalk
when you're the rags with a tin can
or the crimson-thorned flower that dies with the bulb of a streetlamp
and no one knows if its blood
and no one knows if its love
and no one cares that it dies, just the color it brings
and the only water it gets, are the tears that it heaves
or the throat of a bottle that wants to dislodge
but it's stuck in a box with five other friends
the friends are the foes
but its hard to see with glass in your eyes
I just want to tell myself
you're the dollar wrapped up with a coat and a tie
or the stars with a hand that will fit right in mine
the book with an outline, and the highlights in bold
or a painted mirror with the colors i chose, and the whole face exposed

how can i be, too quick to leave
the only place im welcome to stay

is your God really God?

so i got on my blog friday night for the first time in months, and anyways i was reading some of my older blogs and i was just like, in awe of how time has changed me, or rather, how I've allowed time to change me. I was shocked to see how much passion I used to have for God- which I would have given everything I have to know Him more, had just become a casual desire. I was suddenly in one of those deep thoughtful modes and so I figured that it would be a good time to over to 24 in the chapel, which was going on for the day.
So I got to the chapel, not really expecting anything, but at the same time, not really expecting nothing to happen, I just felt the desire to go worship God. I swear this next part is a miracle: as I entered the building and began walking up into the balcony, I was taken back to a place when I first fell in love with God as a young boy, where I let nothing get in the way, I just wanted to know and love God. I began to think of the many blessings God has given me, and how real and how close He has been to me, even though I have felt as if He was so distant. I simply broke down and just exploded in tears and felt so close to God, like I had not felt in like over a year and a half. It was amazing, it was like this shell had been broken off of me, and I began to realize that I had let so much of my mind get in the way of the simple facts of loving God. I had let my mind become so analytical, trying to figure out God and exactly what he was doing, trying to logically explain the way things were, and just letting all these doubts build up in me. I realized at that moment like I had never before: God CANNOT fit in our minds. We will NEVER fully understand God, and if we could, then he wouldn't be God. He is so much bigger than what our minds can comprehend. I am in no way disregarding the importance of seeking wisdom, but I got to a point in my life, where I let my mind try to solve every little problem in a way that I was forgetting the simple child-like faith of just loving God, trusting in Him, and being with Him. Anyways, that night was soooo awesome! I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me, and I want to share that with anyone who wants to hear about it.

it reminds me a lot of this song that I really love by As Cities Burn, its called "Clouds"... the lyrics are:
Is your love really Love?
Is my love really Love?
I think our love isn't Love,
Unless it's Love to the end.

Is your god really God?
Is my god really God?
I think our god isn't God,
If he fits inside our heads.)
that pretty much sums it up

awkward me

why am i so awkward and shy?
why did i turn out this way,
the one who doesn't talk much,
the one that gets along with people, but never really fits in,
one who is often misunderstood.
because i am so shy around new people or people that i just really dont know that well
they often mistake it for being arrogance or conceitedness
when i have no desire of thinking myself better than anyone else on this earth
my social skills suck.
its easy for most people to meet new people, but not for me
it scares the crap out of me to talk to someone that ive never talked to before.
to every girl i have ever been interested in, i probably just appear to be this creepy boring awkward person
i dont want to be a monotone person with a boring life.
i wish people could just know who i am inside.
that once they get to know me i can be funny, or crazy, and talk for hours about life, and God and stuff.
i am an introvert
and i have to pay the consequences for it.
to be effective in society, you have to be outgoing and talkative.
im not.
not until you get to know me.
even around people ive known my whole life, i am awkward.
i wasnt always that way, was i?
around family friends, friend's families, and my extended family
i am out of place.
i am not necessarily rejected or looked down upon,
but i am rather an awkward disturbance to a pleasant scene.
maybe it would be better if i wasnt in that place.
did God make me to be this way?
is there some purpose in my introversion,
or am i simply neglecting the risk taking aspect of living life and living for God

i love spending time with people
and i love spending time with myself
i am not "emo" and i dont try to be "emo"
i am not by writing this hoping to receive some special attention or sympathy
i am just trying to be honest with whats going on in my mind right now.
and i want people to know how i feel.
how many friendships have i screwed up or missed out on just because i cant seem to carry on a good conversation thats not awkward
i wish i could communicate like everyone else, but i just cant

i guess i have to really get to know people before i really can be myself
i could carry on a deep conversation for hours even with someone i dont know well, but i am not good at engaging the conversation
i feel like the other person is annoyed with me or doesnt care, or that maybe i have already made the situation awkward and that maybe i should just shut up and start messing with my cell phone
ive never really felt insecure about myself
but maybe this is an insecurity of mine
and i always just make some feeble attempt to cover it up
maybe its why some people cant get past that friend status to becoming a friend that really truly knows me, and i really truly know them,
maybe its my fault
because im always so scared im going to mess something up
im always afraid to tell people who i am, because they could instead be watching a movie or something better with social people
see, i cant base a relationship on just that "hey whats up, how are you" kind of stuff
i cant just know what your status is, where your from, what your major is, and just watch movies or something
i want to truly know people.
i want to know their beliefs, how their past has brought them to the present, i want to know their strengths and weaknesses,
i want a friendship that is true, and not fake. something that is deep and real.
a friendship where both of us can encourage one another.

it is truly my desire to be a blessing to every person that i come in contact with
so please, never think that i am trying to be arrogant, or that i dont want to talk or get to know you,
or that i am just some weird guy that is boring.

God i give you this weakness of mine
i give you my inadequacies
i ask you to use them for your glory.
help me to know who you want me to be and to be who you want me to be

Oh foolish one!

You tripped on your shoelaces

There's no one to blame,

Your blood is on your hands.

You thought you had it all put together,

Leave it as it is and hope it doesn't fall apart.

Look in the mirror and see what an ugly face pride can give you

Have you forgotten?

Every heartbeat, step, breath,

is by the grace of God.

Oh what a merciful God, who loves fools.

Who replaces my folly with wisdom,

Who forgets my mistakes.

I cannot make it a day without him.