so i got on my blog friday night for the first time in months, and anyways i was reading some of my older blogs and i was just like, in awe of how time has changed me, or rather, how I've allowed time to change me. I was shocked to see how much passion I used to have for God- which I would have given everything I have to know Him more, had just become a casual desire. I was suddenly in one of those deep thoughtful modes and so I figured that it would be a good time to over to 24 in the chapel, which was going on for the day.
So I got to the chapel, not really expecting anything, but at the same time, not really expecting nothing to happen, I just felt the desire to go worship God. I swear this next part is a miracle: as I entered the building and began walking up into the balcony, I was taken back to a place when I first fell in love with God as a young boy, where I let nothing get in the way, I just wanted to know and love God. I began to think of the many blessings God has given me, and how real and how close He has been to me, even though I have felt as if He was so distant. I simply broke down and just exploded in tears and felt so close to God, like I had not felt in like over a year and a half. It was amazing, it was like this shell had been broken off of me, and I began to realize that I had let so much of my mind get in the way of the simple facts of loving God. I had let my mind become so analytical, trying to figure out God and exactly what he was doing, trying to logically explain the way things were, and just letting all these doubts build up in me. I realized at that moment like I had never before: God CANNOT fit in our minds. We will NEVER fully understand God, and if we could, then he wouldn't be God. He is so much bigger than what our minds can comprehend. I am in no way disregarding the importance of seeking wisdom, but I got to a point in my life, where I let my mind try to solve every little problem in a way that I was forgetting the simple child-like faith of just loving God, trusting in Him, and being with Him. Anyways, that night was soooo awesome! I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me, and I want to share that with anyone who wants to hear about it.
it reminds me a lot of this song that I really love by As Cities Burn, its called "Clouds"... the lyrics are:
Is your love really Love?
Is my love really Love?
I think our love isn't Love,
Unless it's Love to the end.
Is your god really God?
Is my god really God?
I think our god isn't God,
If he fits inside our heads.)
that pretty much sums it up
2 comments:
Luke! I am so happy about what God has done in your life. Thank you for sharing. :-) I think it is definitely something we all need to think about...God not being able to fit into our minds. I needed to hear that.
This is beautiful. i dont know where to begin with this because i know we aren't friends or anything but i need your help. Aj and i are dating again...and he doesnt believe in god. i want him so badly to because god is such a major part of my life. Aj just thinks of the logic of things. i told him im not going to preech to him about god because its just a love and guidence that he has to be able to find himself. He asked me why he has to believe in my god, and what makes him so real because stories (in the bible) change in time. Auhh i just get so frustrated because its like a love that cant be explained and all i want is for him to find it. what do ido, how do i help him find it?
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